2013: TEN YEARS OUT OF THE CLOSET

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2013: TEN YEARS OUT OF THE CLOSET

By Sergio Viula

Sergio Viula

"Resentment against other people’s happiness is the biggest clue to one’s personal unhappiness. Every fundamentalist, by postponing their happiness to the afterlife, resents the happiness of others. That’s why they stir the flames of their own hell against those who, despite their best efforts to ruin everything, build their own happiness here and now, to the best of their abilities." — Sergio Viula

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As a child, I had no idea what my thirties would be like. Born into a Catholic family, I was taught to believe in God, attend church, and receive all the sacraments entitled to a good Catholic. No complaints so far.

Driving my old jeep in the backyard 

However, when it came to sexual education, the Church messed it up from the start. As a young child, I didn’t think much about it—it was easy enough to absorb, but when my teenage years approached, life began to get more complicated. Certain thoughts and feelings that I had easily pushed aside became irresistible as puberty took center stage.

Early Discoveries

Like most boys, I played with other boys. But for me, those were not just innocent games. There was a level of intimacy and affection that went beyond what most boys would have felt.

At 12, I had my first sexual experience with a 16-year-old friend. It was overwhelming, and we stayed together for two years. I ended it when I found out he had told another friend about our affair. I was terrified that my parents would find out, as by then, I was no longer unaware of the consequences of coming out in my family.

Taking the first communion

Between 14 and 16, I struggled with feelings of guilt and fear, all nurtured by the Church's teachings and my family’s prejudices. Bullying at school also played a role in pushing me back from fully accepting my sexual orientation.

Evangelical Years

At 16, I converted to evangelicalism. I threw myself into it with the fervor of a new convert. Soon, I was deeply involved in church activities, first in the Pentecostal movement and later in the Brazilian Baptist Convention churches.

Leadership seminar graduation night with Haggai Institute - Singapore, 2000.

At 20, I got married. Soon after, I became a missionary with Operation Mobilization, attended seminary, and became a pastor. During this time, I co-founded an ex-gay ministry called MOSES (Movement for Healthy Sexuality). For 18 years, I dedicated myself to the Church, seven of which were split between my pastoral duties and the ex-gay ministry.

Logo: Ex-gay ministry I co-founded in Rio, 1997

Coming Out

In 2003, everything changed. I came out as a gay man, first to my wife, then to my parents and relatives. Later, I came out to my children, one by one. My daughter was 12 when I told her, and two years later, it was my son’s turn, at the age of 11.

To my surprise, they handled it well. Since then, they’ve been incredible allies. My daughter is now 21, and my son is 18. They’ve grown into beautiful, loving adults. My ex-wife moved on and married another man.

A New Chapter

Coming out was a game-changer. My life began to improve in so many ways. I graduated in philosophy from the State University of Rio de Janeiro (UERJ) and wrote a book to share my story and debunk myths about ex-gay therapy. Over time, my parents went from intolerance to acceptance and respect, and today they embrace my new family structure.

 My son, my daughter and I at Outback Steak House, Rio de Janeiro (2013)

Now, I live next door to my parents, and my children—who no longer live with their mother—are a constant presence in my lives.

Becoming an Activist

Coming out also opened doors for activism. I have become deeply involved in the fight for LGBT rights, especially against homophobic rhetoric in religious circles. My story has been published on several Brazilian sites and republished internationally, and my blog, "Fora do Armário" (Out of the Closet), is about to reach 2 million visits.

Sergio Viula, Marcio Retamero and Sílvia Mara: Panel about Secularism and Religious Tolerance - I Secularist Humanist Congress of Brazil.

In 2004, I publicly denounced ex-gay therapies in an interview with Época, one of Brazil's leading magazines. Since then, I’ve watched many other ex-gay ministry leaders come out, and even Exodus International, the largest ex-gay organization, shut down.

My first interview after coming out: Época Magazine, 2004

Continuation of the interview, Época Magazine, 2004

Looking Ahead

Coming out wasn’t easy. It required me to start over in many aspects of my life—moving out, seeing my children only once a week, and facing a long period of misunderstanding from my parents. I lost jobs in religious institutions and had to rebuild my career in the secular job market.

But every challenge was worth it. Today, I celebrate not just a decade out of the closet but a life built on authenticity, courage, and love.

For anyone thinking of coming out: It’s worth it. The journey may be difficult at first, but the freedom and joy on the other side make it all worthwhile.

Celebrating my 10th anniversary out of the closet with a rainbow-colored hug,



Sergio Viula
sviula@hotmail.com